Apple a Day

Several years ago, while backpacking on the Appalachian Trail, my brother and I encountered a twitchy, shouting backwoodsman.  Now, my brother and I both have the nearly tangible quality that strange people find us extraordinarily approachable.  It’s to the point where if there’s a whole crowd of people and one oddball, we know that before long that oddball will find himself talking to either or both of us.  Either one of us alone has this quality, and when we’re together it’s double-strength.  So when in the deep of the woods, we saw this ragged, jumpy personage from afar, we knew we’d soon be talking to him.

Normally, we can kind of mumble something noncommittal and just keep walking past these kind of freaks.  My brother, Allen, is an expert at giving half a second eye contact, a half nod, and the words, “Hey, Man.”  The typical freak feels affirmed by this without feeling the need to seek  further personal connection, and even if they do, it’s too bad because Allen doesn’t break stride.  Maybe for other people this isn’t normal, but for us it is.  The part that was different this time is we were way back into the woods, several miles from the nearest trailhead.

Sure enough, this guy was crazed.  Wild matted hair and bloodshot eyes that couldn’t seem to focus crazed.  The spitting image of the demoniac from all those Bible movies.  (I’m pretty sure all those movies used the same guy.)  And he was still twitching.  And he was bound and determined to become our new best friend.  Great.

We attempted the half-hearted acknowledgement.  We didn’t break stride.  Our new bestie turned around and decided to walk with us, the opposite of the way he came.  Terrific.

Crazed guy engaged himself in frantic conversation aimed at us.  Allen and I threw in the occasional inoffensive “uh-huh” and glanced around the forest floor for big sticks.  After about 15 minutes and 10 or so utterings of “Well, great talking to you, Man, we’ll see you later,” our new best friend bid us an emotional farewell and ran leapfrog style off into the woods at a 90 degree angle to the trail.  The instant he was out of sight, we broke stride.

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful, provided you don’t consider a severed knee ligament, an unexpected snow storm, or a bear in the camp an “event.”  We were pretty glad to make it to where we had parked Allen’s old beat-up green Bug.  Upon arriving at the car, what did we find leaning up against it and eager to talk to us in hopes of hitching a ride?  Another crazed dirty man.  I am not kidding.  He didn’t get a ride, and with two people over six feet tall in a Bug, plus two packs and assorted gear, I’m not sure where we would have put him anyway.  At that point, we decided what pretty much everybody who ever spends more than 2 days in the Smokies ends up deciding at some point.  “Screw this, we’re going to Gatlinburg.”

I’m not really sure what we ended up doing in Gatlinburg, although I think it involved getting clean and finding some little hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant where we sat for a long time, warming up and reveling in our made it out aliveness.

All of the above was, by the way, a true story.  But by now you’re probably wondering what exactly it was that crazed man #1 talked to us about for 15 minutes.  Well, let me tell you.

He told us, for one thing, that there was going to be a snow storm.  Ha ha, we thought, no way.  It was about 65 degrees out, and the weather report called for a mild week.  He also told us some really complimentary angry things about his ex-wife, and some other wild rantings that made no sense.  He also told us exactly where in the national park he had found the hallucinogenic mushrooms (ah, so that was it), including instructions for how to get in and out of said location without being seen with a really large sack of shrooms, and the name of his favorite dirty park ranger who had been the one to clue him in in the first place.  (If you think I’m going to share this information with you, I’m not.)

Moral of the story:  mushrooms are not necessarily good for your health.

But sometimes they are, and that is what this whole really long intro was leading up to.  The 5th in my series of 6 vegetarian protein sources.  Mushrooms.

Asian foodies have been on the right track with this for centuries, but nutritionists in the west had pooh-poohed mushrooms as having scant nutritional value.  A whole pound of mushrooms has only 125 calories, so how nourishing could they be?  Well, as it turns out, they’re pretty darn nutritious.  A lot of that pound is water weight, but when mushrooms are dried, it turns out they have anywhere from 15-30% protein content, plus lots of other good stuff.  (The reason it’s such a wide range, 15-30%, is because protein content varies depending on type of mushroom, drying method, and maturity of mushroom.)

As it turns out, mushrooms are also full of vitamins, fiber, and some particularly helpful types of carbs, which you can read about here if you want to http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/02/050218161310.htm.

If you are dogmatic about your carnivory, you might argue that 15-30% protein content is nowhere near the amount of protein you’re going to get from meat.  You’re right, and it’s also true that people tend to eat much larger portions of meat that of mushrooms here in America.  But when you take into account that eating 3 servings of meat a day gives you about twice the recommended daily amount of protein (I won’t repeat the math on that, but if you want to see it, it was back in my post about green leafy veggies, 3rd paragraph), it changes the equation.  We’re not trying to exactly replace the protein we’d get from meat.  We’re just shooting for around 50 grams per day.

I’m going to give you two recipes today – one that utilizes my favorite type of mushroom, and one that utilizes the type of mushroom that, though not as flavorful, is really, really, easy to find at any grocery store.

Happy Wonderful Good Luck Straw Mushroom Snow Pea Delight

Straw Mushrooms* and a Bean

*Straw mushrooms are cultivated and also grow wild in Asia, but not in North America.  We do have a poisonous lookalike that grows wild here, so unless you are in Asia and know what you’re looking for, this is one you’ll want to buy at the store.

Mushroom Butter Pasta

This is a good menu option for picky vegetarians who don’t like to eat vegetables.  I won’t tell you how I know that.

1 large package mushrooms (any kind, sliced to bite-size if needed)

1 stick butter (vegetarians have to get fat somehow)

1 lb. whole wheat pasta of choice (I like angel hair with this, but whatever you like)

1/2 cup white wine (any kind is fine, but not a sweet one)

handful fresh clipped parsley leaves

2 cloves garlic

salt and pepper to taste

garnish with something colorful, perhaps a sprig of greenness and a cherry tomato, or some colorful sweet peppers

DIRECTIONS:

Get the water started boiling for your pasta, and in the meantime…

In a large saucepan simmer your butter and wine, stirring gently from time to time.

Mince your garlic, wash the mushrooms and slice them if applicable.

Prepare your garnish.

Add the mushrooms to the sauce and continue simmering about 10 minutes.

When pasta is about 2 minutes from being done, add the garlic, parsley, salt and pepper to the sauce.

When pasta is finished, drain and return to pot, stir in generous amounts of sauce.

Plate, garnish, enjoy!